I've had a lot of free time on my hands lately. Well that's not exactly true, I've been really busy, but I have had a lot of time to think. Sounds like a little bit of a contradiction, I know, but it is what it is. Anyway, I've spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, and then feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself, and so on.
So the other day, as I spent hours scraping paint off of, and re-painting Jessie's dresser(see what I mean by the busy, yet time thing?), all while feeling particularly miserable about my current situation, I starting to contemplate the difference between myself, and the people that can just take the hard things, and roll with them. How do they do it? What have they figured out, that I still haven't?
I concluded that it all just chalked up to attitude, and decided that mine really needed some adjusting. Just as easy as that, right? WRONG.
See as much as I believe in the power of positive thinking, it is just not as easy as it sounds. So, you take the "It could be much worse" approach.
So what that I'm a single mom, who most of the time, has no control over her very strong willed child. Who cares that we are now having to sell our house, the only true place I've called home for the last 15 years, where all of my childhood memories are derived. The place where Jess has now spent the majority of her little life in. So what that the relationship I've been in for the last 8 months, that has brought me the most happiness I've felt in years, is now over, and again, I'm wondering where I belong. It could be worse. At least we are still healthy! And, we aren't living on the streets!!
So that's what I decided. Just take that approach! But the thing is, that only gets you so far. Cuz the reality is, most of the people that you know in your life, are doing OK. Which, being human, you cant help but compare yourself to. So I needed something more.
Thank goodness for angels in life that are in tune with the spirit, and know what you need. My friend emailed me the link to this talk by Elder Uchtdorf http://beta.lds.org/liahona/2010/05/continue-in-patience?locale=eng&format=conference&view=speakers.
I finally discovered my problem!! I have NO Patience! And, consequently, apparently no faith either.
So now, the quest is to find a way to build faith, and increase patience. It talked about how patience is a progress to perfection. And that to be able to have the patience with the Lord that we need, it requires a lot of faith.
I know the Lord wants to bless me, I just need to trust in that, and then be willing to wait for it. I realize that this is a huge undertaking, at least for me. I have gotten so used to trying to do things on my own, that I have completely forgotten to have faith.
I have been promised, in some pretty incredible ways, that the Lord is aware of me, and has a plan for me. That everything is going to work out. So I just need to trust that. And do the best that I can a long the way, so that He is able to bless me.
So, if any of you catch me complaining, please kindly remind me that I need to be patient with the Lord. That He is smarter than I am, and will do things in His own time.
Wish me luck on my quest!!
May 2021
2 years ago
5 comments:
I wish you the best of luck. You are amazing, and I know you'll be able to pull through it all. Give me a call sometime. I'd love to talk to you!
Oh, my dear, all of us are just like you...until we have tests like you are going through right now! That is how you learn, get stronger and strengthen your testimony. It is through the hardest timest that you learn and grow the most!
I am praying for you and I love you, more than you know.
Usually it's after the trial that people say that they are ok. It's like my cousin's wife said on her blog (she's the one who's son had bacterial meningitis and he's deaf now and can't walk yet and stuff) "In Sunday school last week someone raised his hand as we were discussing Joseph in Egypt and his trials. He said, "I wouldn't take back any of my trials because they are what make me what I am, and I am so grateful for them." I had to shake my head and say, "I am still in the fire & it's really hot in here!" A young friend of ours after class quickly reminded me that it is, in fact, in the rough waters where the rocks become the smoothest, trying so hard to hold their ground. Yes, I say, only thing is that I thought I was pretty smooth before." It's so difficult to go through the hard times!!! It just plain SUCKS sometimes!!! But it makes us appreciate the good times all the more!!! So anxious to talk to you! I love you and hope you're ok!!!
I have been in the same place with myself. Different trials but feeling the same way. Call me when you have time. We both need to talk to eachother and catch up on life. Miss you friend!
Missy,
You are the most amazing person i have ever known in my life, and you hare the most amassing/hot single mama! I've totally felt the same feelings, but for other reasons, But what I do know is that The reason we have all these trails in our lives is to make us stronger and humble, but mostly to have faith and patients. We can only better ourselves and be an example to others and our children.
I know you will find the answers to your quest in life, God has a plan for you, let him lead the way, take life day by day and never lose faith. You can come live with me!! I have plenty of space in our new house.. its 5600sqft.! Miss ya and Love ya!
Call me sometime!
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